January 15
This is just one of the most slow days I ever had! We had practice for Badminton and honestly, I got pretty excited because I know i'll be seeing him again. It was really hot when we started jogging at the oval, as we were running for our 2nd round the sky is slowly turning dark, just by looking at it you'll know that it's gonna be a heavy rain and yes it was and it was really amazing how 5 minutes ago it was like burning house hot and suddenly it began to rain! As it started pouring I ran as fast as I could to finish my 2nd round as not to get caught by the rain, as I was halfway through the finish line, I saw him. He looks good, as always. Just a bit different since he started wearing glasses about 2 weeks ago. I melted a bit when I saw him running, he was late for practice. And since the rain is really pouring hard we continued our physical training at the sports complex. I feel really happy because I know i'll get to talk to him again. Yes we did, but not as much as before and that really broke my heart. We only talked about unimportant stuffs but I act like I'm not that interested just not to look like I've been desperately wanting to talk to him again but I was. I was desperate to talk to him again because I missed him so much. We only get to talk during practice and I hate that! We neither text nor talk on the phone anymore! It was just sad. I love him so much but I couldn't even tell him that. I've been waiting for the right time but I can't find the right timing to tell him. I just want to get this painful thing out from my soul. I just want to tell him and then done. But it's not easy. Ahhhhh! I really thought I've already moved on. We didn't walk together today after practice. That 5 minute walk in the cat walk where we always walk together seems to be the longest 5 minutes of my life! Every step just reminded me of all the laughs we shared & all the secrets revealed in that place. I miss him so much but I can't tell him that either...because he loves someone else. Someone already owns his heart... I guess the best song that perfectly fits my situation right now is Six Degrees of Separation by The Script.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, Is when your world splits down the middle
And fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, YOU SEE THEM OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.
ahhhhhhh! I just want to free myself from all the heart breaks! I want to put an honest smile on my face!
, Kim
