I'm over peole

 I was wondering the whole day why people around me are suddenly giving me their cold shoulders! I was thinking of the things I might have done wrong but then at the end of the day I can't think of anything and it pisses me off. I was thinking again then I came into realization that if they want to ignore me just because they feel like it then I don't have to try so hard to be likeable to them. I'm just being me and I don't have a problem with myself. I am satisfied with what and who I am right now. I may have a lot of imperfections but I just gotta stick myself with people who can still appreciate me despite all these flaws. I don't have to pretend to be someone i'm not because eventually they'll get to see my true color and I don't think I am capable of losing someone because of my mistakes so I'd rather start making friends by letting them see what I really am and be with the people who chose to stay beside me. People can be so judgmental sometimes but I cannot blame them for that because I myself is also like that it's part of the human nature but we all know that at some point we have to know when to stop. Know your limits because not everyone have the same level of energy compared to yours. 

So now, i decided to be with people who can love me despite of  all the imperfections that I have. 😘

Life can be so hard sometimes

As I lay on a bed that's not mine, tonight, I am slowly realizing things. 

There are a lot of hardships in life ones that you see it coming and ones that comes unexpectedly. 

There are a lot of things that we'vebeen taking   for granted, things that we disregard but despite all this we still find happiness. But sometimes too much neglect of things can cause you trouble especially when you've become too comfortable about that particular thing. 

I am the one who gave way but sometimes being too kind can also cause you trouble because as they too much pf anything is not good anymore. 

As I was about to go to bed tonight, a friend messaged me and asked me a very striking question, one I haven't been expecting. I love it here but sometimes you just gotta face reality and conquer your fear. I have to go back to the place where I get to hear a lot of criticism about me everyday, false accusations and homosexuals who thinks they know-it-all. Sometimes, I wish I just have to rent my own pad and live comfortably than be in a place where I have to always pretend to be somebody else just so people would stop misjudging. 

I am someone who loves making people happy but sometimes life just gets too hard that even faking a smile is not easy. I smile every time but at the end of the day what they don't know is i've been planning ways on how I could end up this super fucked up life but it's not that easy so  just cry myself to sleep. 

Every person has their own limitation and it is the person around you who got to adjust on you as much as you adjust for them to be comfortable. 

I have a lot of problems but every morning as I wake up I talk to myself and pray to God that he'll enlighten my mind and survive. I have tried to kill myself a lot of times but every time I get to the peak a small voice whispers into me and so I stop but that doesn't mean the suicidal thought is gone. Everyday i'm fighting and struggling to survive in this world full of judgmental people.

I want to live normally but every time I try to start over somebody always have to ruin it. I may be jolly around other people that's because it's painful to let them see that i'm hurting because being me is like one of the hardest battle one can ever have. I may look strong but I am the weakest person I know. 

New Chapter

Aug. 25, 2013

8:33 pm

I am about to leave this place i've been calling home for the past week. School officially starts again tomorrow even though it was supposed to be a holiday, it's because we didn't have school the whole week last week due to a typhoon. It was actually my first time to experience a bagyo because in Davao there's no bagyo. I just wish they'll cancel school tomorrow because I am too tired and I don't want to face my professors yet! 

Anyways, it's been months since I last posted here and I just want you to know that I am now a College student of De La Salle University Manila with a degree of AB-PHM (Philippine Studies Major in Mass Media). I didn't know college would be this stressful. I have to balance my sports and my acads and it's just so hard because i haven't even adjusted with my environment yet. 

First term is about to end and I am nervous to see my grades. I know I haven't been giving my best but I hope I still pass I can't afford another failure it's just too painful to handle. And and enough with acads because next weekend will officially be the start of our season! I may not be part of the top 8 yet but i'll surely cheer for my team as if I am their team captain ❤ 

There. I don't know what to say na haha ciao

, Kim 

My playlist

I just need some company and thank you for all the people who wrote these songs!! you clearly tell through a song everything that I've been going through

1. Erase You - Nikki Flores

    Look out my window, I can see the sun shine. Up in my bedroom, I can see myself crying. And my pillow is a swimming pool. I just don't understand why you did what you did. My girls told me that I should watch for you. I can't help it, I've fallen so dumb for you. But silly me, I keep thinking I could make you fall in love. 

2. What Hurts The Most - Monica

    Thing have changed, they're not the same and recently you found someone that you decided to dedicate your whole life to and what we had is about to be through. And baby, what hurts the most is letting go. I just want you to know that I love you so. I know things are different now, you've gone and settled down. And I though for sure you'd always wait for me. 

3. The One I Gave My Heart To - Aaliyah

     How could the one I gave my heart to, break my heart so bad? How could the one who made me happy, make me feel so sad? Won't somebody tell me, so I can understand. If you love me, how could you hurt me like that? How could the one I gave my world to, throw my world away? 

4. Going Crazy - Natalie

   I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch. I never thought that I could ever love a man so much. I gotta let you know, I think that we are destiny. For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything. I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you. I'm calling out to you what am I going to do? It's true, no fronting. It's you and no other I can no longer go on without you, I'll just break down.
  
5. I Never Told You - Colbie Caillat

   But I never told you what I should have said. No, I never told you. I just held it in. And now I miss everything about you. I can't believe it, I still want you. After all the thing we's been through. I miss everything about you, without you.

Happiness is always followed by Sadness

March 14

    What a great day has it  been. It's been the greatest day ever! damn. A little thing said in a just a few sec totally broke my heart and again changed a part of me.

    Nothing really lasts forever. Even happiness. So I guess you all have read about my last blog about Aaaa<3? Now he's just another ordinary guy I happened to be attached with. Another dumbass. I cannot really blame him for everything that has happened, I admit it, it's all my fault. I expected too much from him. I thought after all the things we've been through the feelings will slowly become mutual but no. He's been playing with me. I just don't get why... He knew all along what I feel for him and yet he still tagged along making me feel like there's still a chance. Ugh I am so unlucky with guys. But yeah, just a few hours ago we were talking and suddenly he's indirectly telling me that he doesn't like me maybe just a friend but not more than that. Fuck. But who wouldn't misunderstood everything he did? He's been always there for me. He never forgets to talk to me. He's been very caring. He gets jealous. When we get into fights he doesn't want to end the night that we're not okay. He makes me feel special. But I don't know. Maybe I just made everything he do a big deal because I like him. Ahhhh I don't know anymore. I don't know what to believe in anymore. It's like I want him to go away as much as I want him to stay. He makes me happy and he makes me sad. I want to punch him and I want to hug him. I hate him but I love him. It's been very hard for me but it's seem so easy for him to utter the words good bye.

   The hardest part of loving someone who doesn't love you back is when they decide to like somebody else and you just sit there act like you're happy for them  and you just have to let go of something you never had. Smile when your eyes meet. Dying to say how better you are compared to the other girl but you can't  do anything because you don't have the right to be jealous because he's not yours. There's just so many songs i've been listening to right now that best explains how I feel at the very moment but nothing of all these drama shit can bring you back to me. You think you're better off without me and I can't do anything to stop you from thinking that.


Kim

Seniors' Bash!

Page 69 of 365

    So it was our Senior's Bash! It's like the last event we're gonna have as a batch in Ateneo as High School Students! It was really fun and exciting! Created a lot of memories and there I realized that I really made a lot of friends during the years I spent here in Ateneo. It was really memorable and worth remembering! But the memories didn't come from the Bash alone but also the After Party!

                                        
                                           so this is me wt my mom before going to the bash

    The afterparty was held in Frankie's Bar. It's located in Nova Tierra, in front of the Jollibee going to Paradise Island in Samal. So it was really far from school where our bash was held, like a 30 minute car ride. Almost 3/4 of the batch was there even those I didn't expect to come were there! It really felt that we are a family. And since it's an after party there were a lot of drinks served like beer, vodka, tequila and etc. I didn't drink too much just enough to make me dizzy about 3 shots? haha i know i'm not a good drinker but as much as I was controlling myself to not get drunk almost all of my batchmates did.. haha It was really fun seeing them get drunk they're insane! They just kept on dancing and dancing and dancing! It was superb! hahaha Most of them were my innocent batchmates like the people I didn't expect would drink =)) It was really amazing that nobody was KJ everybody was so into it. And because of that I made a lot of friends inside a bar.. can you imagine that we became friends inside a bar!! hahaha and the best friend I ever met that night was Jam, she's like the coolest kid in our batch this year, she's a transferree from California!

                               
That's Jam! The girl in a floral dress! Isn't she gorg? So the next day almost every tweet on twitter goes like this " Omgg friends na kami ni Jam " and I can't believe na there are also a lot from my batch besides me who wanted to be friends with her, so now can you imagine how cool she is? haha! but going back.. There were really a lot of seniors who got drunk and I even heard there were 2 girls who french kissed which is kinda awkk haha so yeah that was definitely one of the most memorable event in my senior life everrr! And I'm just proud that after all we still treat each other as a family. We take care of one another and always wants them to be safe always!! So aren't we the best batch yet? hmmm I guess so too! :)

Kim

Hi Aaaa<3!

         So this post is for you. haha.  I am thankful that we got to spend the week together. Uhm I didn't know I'd fall for you bc I think you don't have the charms that I am looking for a guy but you were really nice and we kept staring at each other from time to time that sometimes it gets awkward to look at you and sometimes I think I've made it a habit to look at you na. It's just nice that every time I look at you, you're looking at me too. hihi. I get kilig all the time! :"> hahaha! It was pretty weird because for the last 3 nights that we were in La Filipina I keep on dreaming about you and me together. So every time I wake up I have a smile on my face and I immediately share what happened to Klowie and Irish. So I was thinking maybe it was just a coincidence since we see each other almost every hour. But on the 2nd night, It's pretty weird because I dreamed about you again. Mejj lumevel up nga eh bc on the first day daw we we're just holding hands wc is really weird haha and on the 2nd night we're having a date na in a park with our teammates and mejj nag huhug hug na so I was looking forward on what's going to happen on the 3rd night if ever I'll still be dreaming about you again. haha. I was trying to sleep that night when you went to our quarters and said good night to me. Honestly, I got kilig bc of that too! hahaha. So on the third night, unexpectedly, I dreamed about you again. Mejj lumevel up ulit but you only appeared for just a few sec lang. Medyo deja vu nga rin kasi what happened in my dream really happened except on what happened to us in my dream. You woke me up with a kiss daw, because you woke up really early and all of the boys went to our quarters to check on us and it's pretty weird kasi the following day the boys really went to our quarters early in the morning pero of course nothing happened weird naman to us. I didn't open my eyes pa nga eh when you guys were there. hahaha! Parang story telling na ito. =)) That day, I told myself na parang I'm starting to fall for you. a bit bc of my dreams and because of how you treat me.. like you text me kahit bago lang tayo nagsama or call me in the middle of the night when I can't sleep and you want to show me how you make fun of our other teammates.. you know the small things. it really matters to me! haha. and about the post title "Aaaa<3" it's because that's your name on my phone :) Share ako ng share kina Klowie and Irish about you but without the name like I call you with "siya" so they got really curious. And out of curiousity, during breakfast while I was drinking my milo Klowie suddenly grabbed my phone and alam mo naman na injured ako and for the sake of privacy I still ran. but it was too late, she read na some of your messages and somehow got a clue na on who you are. So they were really shocked when they knew that it was you. After that, diba we have a closing program and while waiting for the jeep sa canteen you suddenly sat beside me and they're like looking at me like teasing me pero chill lang talaga ako nun like normal but deep inside i'm really kilig. hahahaha. ang lande. but nung andun na tayo sa may hintayan ng jeep talaga, Klowie and Irish kept on talking with loud voices while teasing me like ginawa ko raw background picture sa twitter yung pic natin together and i kept on denying it and kept on saying NO na yung pic lang namin ni Jose yung ginawa kong bg before! So I kept saying the name Jose! Alam mo naman na I have past kay Jose and sobrang weird lang na after that you suddenly walked out and sumakay sa front seat ng jeep when normally dumidiretso ka lang naman sumakay sa likod with us. so Klowie said you got jealous daw and I was hoping na sana nga hahaha But I've been telling you naman na i've moved on na with him ano ba. ang tagal na nun jusko. =)) So we haven't really talked when we were at the complex and just saw each other ulit sa quarters na when we were preparing to ride the bus going home to Davao. So I originally planned to sit on the very back seat of the bus bc I think it would be more comfy but it was not and it was pretty boring so I sent a group message and accidentally included you but with my surprise kahit we're just 2 persons away nagtext ka and we kept on looking on each other which is kinda awkward because Irish and Klowie also kept looking at me with weird gazes like they're trying to say "uyyy" hahaha. I was hoping the bus ride would be long so that I wont have to say goodbye to you yet and I was pretty disappointed that we aren't sitting beside each other. But we're just texting na kahit pwede naman na mag usap nalang tayo but it gets embarassing kasi may tao in between us. So hindi ko talaga inexpect na you're serious when you said na you're gonna massage my knee kasi sinabi ko na it's hurting.. talagang pinalipat mo sila ng upuan so that you get to sit beside me but ofcourse nakakahiya na you're gonna touch my knee so we're just sitting there super close kahit malaki naman ang space and it was really really awkward.. but buti nalang  after awhile mejj naging comfortable tayo pero puro small talks lang tayo and the rest kasi sige ka tickle sa akin, i kept pinching your wenis kasi it was super cute and your hair hahaha i like your hair better without wax. :p

 I'm pretty much excited to see you again and I miss you and I really like you. Pero I'm not really expecting a lot kasi baka pala ganun ka lang kabait and na misunderstood ko lang kasi you know you did that to me before like akala ko there's something pero wala pala, you're such a meanie! hahaha pero sana iba na ngayon. :) I can't wait for the next time we're gonna be together again :)

xoxo,
Kim :)