The Second Time Around

   So today is officially the second time he broke my heart. First was when I heard that my friend confessed to him and that he also told her that he likes her too, so their feelings were mutual. And me after hearing it just sat there, teasing and laughing with them like it's not hurting. Well, they are not awkward to act sweet in front of me because neither one of them knows that I like the guy. So I thought they were officially dating already and months have passed and I learned that the feelings just went away. So I was kinda relieved because I think I could already have a chance again but I realized it's gonna be awkward if I tell him when they just like split. So I told myself to let the people calm down first and let them forget everything just happened so I did. I waited for a year, very long right? Yeah, that's how much I love him. I can wait for more than 5 years just to be with him but I don't think that is possible, that you know, me and him together. But I didn't let go. I held on even tighter. My feelings just grow deeper and deeper and it's also getting harder to keep, knowing that we see each everyday. Sometimes, I lose hope and tries to ignore him thinking that maybe in that way my feelings for him will just eventually stop but that's not what happened. The more I ignore him the more I miss him. Everynight I think more about him and imagining what my life would be like if we actually date or something. It's hard. Really hard. To have a crush on someone you don't think you have a chance with. So since two weeks ago I was already planning and practicing the right words and phrases to finally confess to him. I really like him. I love him. But then just today, I heard something so heart breaking. Just when I already have enough confidence to tell him how I really feel I heard my friend, accidentally, talks to him about this girl and asked him this line " So how's you and (girl's name here)?" And there boogsh. My heart suddenly just stop beating for a second. I feel tears forming around my eyes. But I can't let them see me like that. So I just pretended I didn't hear anything like nothing happened. I just want to cry at that moment for loving him so dearly when he loves someone else. I don't know why people who's ready to give everything to the one they love gets replaced by someone who doesn't even give so much effort to make that someone smile. I just don't get it. Life is so unfair. I can finally say that. Right now, i'm like a girl lost in the woods. With nowhere else to go or any idea how to escape. I just want to free myself with all the pain. I just want to tell him that I really do like him and maybe I after I do that I will realize that maybe I was just confused. Like he's really not the one but I just can't think of that right now because he's always running on my mind. His smile and his eyes is like a song on repeat on my head. I just can't get over him but I guess I should. You can never always get what you want. Maybe I will meet someone better than him in the future but right now, he's just the one for me. But yeah I should stop thinking about that, I still love him though but my feelings for him just makes me miserable. huhuhu. He may not like me back but yeah I should just tell him atleast. But if that's really the case I can't do anything about it. I can't beg for his love. All I can just say is "Life goes on".