Right now I really don't know what to feel and what to think. I'm so confused. I love you still but i'm getting tired. I love you but you don't care about my feelings. I think I'm getting tired because I can never tell you what I really feel. I always have doubts. I am always afraid. I am always insecure. I love you but I don't think I can still hold on to what I feel anymore. Maybe if I told you how much I really cared about you then I think it will be easier for me to move on if you really don't feel the same way. But right now, I'm just confused. I don't know if I should give up without even telling you that I love you. Maybe if I will it'll be too late already. You're popular. You're someone I can consider as a campus crush. Then me, I'm just an ordinary girl with weird retainers and nerdy eyeglasses. So unattractive. I'm afraid that you might reject me. We're friends, close friends. We can talk for hours but in those few hours I still don't have the guts to tell you. I don't want to ruin our friendship. It's too precious. I don't want us to be like those best friends who suddenly feel awkwardness about each other after someone confesses that she/he likes the other person. I want you in my life forever. At this very moment, I just miss you. But I don't want to call you or text you because that would be awkward because we don't really text. I know you're busy from school works and your other extra curricular activities. I know you don't have much time to waste for someone like me right now. I just can't wait until the day we can talk again and laugh again together over simple things.
And uhmm my friends know that I like you. uhm I started liking you eight months after we first met. Fast right? That was three years ago. Three fuckin' sad long years waiting for myself to have the guts to tell you. Now I'm on my senior year, the last year where we can still see each other almost everyday. There's not much time left and I'm starting to wonder if I should still keep on doing this. You know, one sided love. It's not easy but I managed to hide it from you. I just wish someone would accidentally slip and tell you or you can overhear people talking about me liking you. Ugh. It's just so hard. It's getting tiring already.
You know through the years, I've been trying to be strong. I am trying to keep my feelings because I know that it's not right. I have been in love with you all along and I think it's best to express it through this letter or blog. It hasn't really been easy for me. It just sad that you couldn't see the fact that I love you whole-heartedly. But I'd rather lose my feelings than to lose you. I just wish you appreciated all the things I've done for you. It's also depressing every time I see you with another girl. I feel jealous when I've got no right. Ahhh! I just wish that someday I can call you mine but that's way too impossible cause I know, for you I am just a friend. But I know even though how hard I try to move on and give up I'm definitely sure that my feelings would stay cause I get to see you every single day and I keep on thinking about you. :| Just please tell me how can I move on and in what way...
But if ever I can never stop liking you even though you already got another girl I can assure you that I'll always be here to wipe away your tears every time she makes you cry. Although I am afraid to see you with somebody else I got no choice but just to be strong and face this fear. I love you and I miss youuuuuuuuu. Let's be friends forever!! aye x
Love,
Kim <3
